Here are some of the things you need to do in order to have a hip and trendy new ‘food show’…
- Make sure to talk extremely loud even though modern technology allows you to speak at a normal decibel level. Demand peoples attention. (Thanks Billy Mays)
- You need to walk around, drive, or take public transportation when traveling to your destination. Make sure your camera man films you all jerky-like and off center.
- Make fun of your guest or patrons allowing your ego to shine through to your audience. You know how to cook their food better than them anyway.
- Always make weird, loud noises when eating food. Take gargantuan bites and allow food to drip down your arm. Everything you eat is always the best ever!
- Use descriptive words that don’t actually describe what you are eating. ‘This is an extremely flavorful, super-awesome dish! It is bomb-diggity, monster-delicious, yum-yum food which will make you happy.’ (So what does it taste like?)
- Let your audience know what the secret ingredients are to spoil the suspense.
- Dip your unwashed hands into all of the items being prepared…sneezing would be better.
- Interview all of the patrons who are most likely to give you a standard boring response. (This place is the best in town!)
- Never discuss the long hours, hard work, low income, and failure rate of restaurants. Your makeup person will hide the bags under the chefs eyes, and paint a smile on their face.
- If someone isn’t as outgoing as you, make them feel uncomfortable.
- If your guest doesn’t have a happy, sad, or funny backstory…don’t have them on the show.
- Wear inappropriate clothing in the kitchen, such as excess jewelry, flip-flops, baggy cloths, and unbuttoned shirts. Bring sexy back as well.
- Don’t ever show anyone cleaning anything.
- If it is not farm to table, it can’t possibly be good.
Does anyone else have any shenanigans to add???